Miscarriage

On Friday, Dec 29th I got a positive pregnancy test. We had been trying since June. I was very surprised at how long it was taking us to get pregnant. I announced on facebook the same night we found out that we were expecting. I was 3.5 weeks pregnant. I called Gentry on Monday to get my shots (Lovenox) started since Jamie's blood has positive immunos. "Alloimmunity is an immune response to foreign antigens (alloantigens) from members of the same species. The body attacks especially transplanted tissue and even the fetus in some cases."  He didn't need to see me and called the order into the pharmacy. I also called Blanke that day to let him know and scheduled a 10 week appointment. 

On Tuesday January 15 I began cramping and bleeding. Blanke didn't want to see me until the next morning. That night I went to triage to get an ultrasound. I went by myself. The nurse asked me to use the restroom before doing the ultrasound. I remember walking to the bathroom dripping blood and then losing lots of blood when I sat to pee. I started crying. The ultrasound detected a heartbeat but they said bc of bleeding things could go downhill. It appeared that the baby was entering the next phase which was a sign of growth, but the dr did not seem optimistic. Megan came to sit with me while I waited to see the doctor again for the results. Doctor called the heartbeat a "flutter" bc it was so early. There was a very small spot between the placenta and the gestational sac that was bleeding. 

On Wednesday, January 16 at 6:40 I had been resting and got up to leave for freezer meal exchange at Amanda's. I nursed Liv and noticed the cramps starting again. The bleeding and cramps had picked back up, so I decided not to go. Jamie put the kids down for bed then left to take my meals to the exchange. As he was pulling out I miscarried. I called Amanda and Cecelia to have them help me talk through it and figure out what to do. I miscarried exactly 6 weeks along. 

On Friday Jamie made a box for baby and we buried baby at his dad's grave sight. It was very difficult to decide what to do with the baby, but I'm very thankful we took the time to bury baby. It was definitely a form of closure. 

I'll never think of a miscarriage the same again. I had sympathy for women who have miscarried in the past, I thought, but now I'll really understand and it will be a deeper understanding of what they went through. It took many weeks to not cry at the mention or thought of pregnancy. It was difficult when I'd see girls' bellies growing who were due the same month I would've been. Since I announced the pregnancy on Facebook I also decided to announce the miscarriage on Facebook. I definitely learned from this miscarriage that I'll wait until week 12 to announce on FB in the future. I had many many people asking me about my pregnancy even after I announced the miscarriage on FB. That was hard for me and put them in an awkward position. But I also learned that I'll never keep a pregnancy a secret bc I couldn't have made it through that miscarriage without the support of friends and family. 

We chose not to wait to start trying for another baby, and so that journey began again...